This can't be happening. In less than one month, 20 days to be exact, my BABY (MY BABY!!!) turns 1. He won't be a baby anymore. Hell, he isn't much of a baby now, more of a toddler. I want to cry. In fact, I cry every time I think about it.
I can't believe a year has come and gone. This much anticipated addition to our family has made himself a mainstay in our home, and life has never been the same. We wouldn't want it to change.
The relationship Spence and Gav have is beyond words. I want to cry half the time watching them adore and love each other. Gav waited 11 years for a sibling and now, he has one that adores him and loves him more than he will ever know.
My heart aches. My baby. The sweet little loving boy that I held in my arms. The little man I nursed for 9 months (even though it was so hard at first). My snuggle bug (thank goodness he still loves to cuddle with his Mama!). I don't want him to grow up. I want to keep him small and innocent forever!
It makes me want another. Another baby, exactly the same. Or perhaps to just regress Spence to infancy again. Never let him get any older than 11 months. I think I am completely ok with that.
I am one of those strange people. I have never really minded the lack of sleep, the lack of personal space/time, the poopy, smelly diapers. I love his smile, his dimples, his eyes, his cry. He is perfect. He loves me unconditionally, and I him. I don't want any of that to ever change.
I am nervous for the temper tantrums, which I know are coming as we have had previews. I am nervous that he won't love me as much as time goes on. I don't want to see his hurts and pains. I wish we could stop time and make it so he can't grow up. Go from an infant to an adult overnight in 20 years. That would be ideal to me. My little squirrel.
I want to protect him in the cocoon of my love, nestled snug and tight against my chest, wrapped in my arms... forever.
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